Trump Said the War Ends in Two to Three Weeks, the IRGC Threatened to Attack Nvidia and Apple, Nike Cratered 15%, SpaceX Filed Its IPO, and Q2 Opened With a Third Straight Rally

S&P rose 0.72% to 6,575, third straight gain. Oil fell below $99. Trump: war over in "two or three weeks." IRGC: U.S. tech companies are "legitimate targets." VIX at 24.54.

📊 THE MARKET BREAKDOWN

Satirical daily market intelligence for traders who think in systems, not headlines.

Issue #208 | April 1, 2026