Rubio Said Iran Isn't Serious, Oil Topped $95, Alphabet Fell 5% After Hours

Tuesday's ceasefire optimism didn't survive to Wednesday. The 11th night of strikes happened anyway. Alphabet beat on cloud revenue and fell on capex guidance, same as TSMC did.

📊 THE MARKET BREAKDOWN

Satirical daily market intelligence for traders who think in systems, not headlines.

Issue #279 | July 22, 2026