Iran's President Signaled Openness to Talks, Trump Said the War "Won't Last Much Longer," the S&P Surged 2.91% for Its Best Day Since May, and Q1 Still Ended as the Worst Quarter Since 2022

S&P surged 2.91% to 6,529 on Iran de-escalation hopes. Dow +1,125. Nasdaq +3.83%. Oil fell below $102. VIX crashed 17.5%. Best day since May. Worst quarter since 2022.

📊 THE MARKET BREAKDOWN

Satirical daily market intelligence for traders who think in systems, not headlines.

Issue #207 | March 31, 2026