Iran Turned Back Chinese Ships Despite Promising Safe Passage, the IRGC Declared Hormuz Officially Closed, the Dow Entered Correction, and the S&P Posted Its Fifth Straight Weekly Loss

S&P crashed 1.67% to 6,369, seven-month low. Dow entered correction (-10% from high). Nasdaq -2.15%, now -13% from peak. Brent topped $112. VIX hit 31.

📊 THE MARKET BREAKDOWN

Satirical daily market intelligence for traders who think in systems, not headlines.

Issue #205 | March 27, 2026