Brent Hit $126 Overnight. April Closes as the Best Month Since 2020. Caterpillar Is an AI Stock Now.

CENTCOM prepared a "short and powerful" Iran strike plan. Meta fell 8.6% despite $56B revenue. Apple beat. California gas is $6.

📊 THE MARKET BREAKDOWN

Satirical daily market intelligence for traders who think in systems, not headlines.

Issue #225 | April 30, 2026